Pretty on the inside

The GBE2 prompt this week is: mirror. I had an entire post started, but I didn't like the direction it was going & deleted it. To be honest, I don't know what to say on this particular topic. I, personally, hate mirrors. More specifically, I hate the reflection that stares back at me when I'm looking in the mirror. However, I'm gonna just start typing & see where this goes.

I've never been particularly pleased with my outward appearance. When I look at myself, I have a very hard time finding anything positive. My eyes are immediately drawn to my flaws. This is why I spend less than 20 minutes per day in front of the mirror & the majority of that is my minimalist morning beauty routine. The rest of the time is checking my nose for boogs or making sure I don't have food stuck in my teeth at random points in the day. Otherwise, I avoid mirrors like the plague.

I've been told many times that you have to love yourself & be comfortable in your own skin. I can say that I do love who I am, and who I'm becoming. Deep down I know that I'm a good person & have a lot to be proud of. It's the "comfortable in your own skin" part where I have issues. Despite the folks who have done their best to point out what they consider my positive attributes, my opinion of my looks has never changed. It's nothing against my parents, b/c my mom was once quite a looker & my Dad is a very handsome dude. However, combine the two, it's not so pretty.

If I'm being completely open & honest with myself (& you), I'll admit there are a few moments here & there when I glimpse in the mirror & think "not too shabby, today, Trish". Almost immediately, I feel guilty for that split second of confidence. I feel egotistical and have to search out a flaw to bring myself back to reality. I have taught my child to love herself & be confident that she is a beautiful person inside & out and I envy people who can admit that they know they are attractive (without being cocky, of course). That is the way we are supposed to be. I know we SHOULD love ourselves & take pride in our outward beauty, but I just can't. I feel awful when I do.

I can look myself in the mirror & be comfortable in the knowledge that despite all the mistakes I've made & will continue to make, I'm a good, loving, and honest person. I don't lie, cheat, steal, or hurt others. Nobody's perfect and goodness knows I'm no exception, but I take comfort in knowing I have never done anything I have to hide or be ashamed of. I also like that I'm silly & goofy b/c I feel good when I can make someone else smile. It's not as if I loathe everything about myself. I just wish mirrors reflected more of what's on the inside so I could stand to face mine more often.