Less of Me

I am participating in the Blogging From A-Z Challenge.  Each day in April (except Sunday), I will post topic themes that begin with the letters of the alphabet, from A-Z.  Today's letter is L.

Late in January, I made myself get back on the health bandwagon for the umpteen-millionth time. Losing weight is the vanity goal, but ultimately, I'd just like to feel like I'm not wreaking havoc on my body anymore. Thanks to my Granny's hippie influence, I grew up loving healthy foods like veggies, honey instead of sugar, whole grain bread chock full o' seeds, and fruit instead of candy. Unfortunately over the years, I have also developed a love for french fries, chocolate, and anything smothered in cheese.

Before I had my daughter, I could eat anything I wanted without gaining much weight. I yo-yo'ed between 115-130 lbs in my teens and very early 20's, but mostly stuck around 120 lbs. At that time, Reese's PB cups and Pepsi were staples in my diet. I walked & rode my bike quite a bit b/c we rarely owned a car, but that was the extent of my physical activity. I spent A LOT of time on my ass, writing in my journal, reading, or watching tv.

Post-baby, as most mothers know, is a whole 'nother story! I gained 51 lbs during my pregnancy, lost a little early after she was born, then gained it all back once I started taking birth control. I tried a few times to exercise & eat healthier in hopes of dropping some of the extra pounds, to no avail. After a divorce and meeting my now-husband, my weight ballooned up even higher than it was the day my daughter was born.

That's me on the right in 2007

In 2010, I decided I didn't want to turn 30 in the condition I was in. I was unhealthy and miserable. So I did something about it. I bought an elliptical on craigslist and started using it 5 days per week. I also did some light strength training & tracked my calories on SparkPeople. Within a few months, I was 30 lbs lighter, reaching 155 lbs. Then came Christmas & I let it all go. Since then I've made several feeble attempts to get back to where I was in 2010, but I've either done good with working out & shitty on the food side, or did great with my food, but couldn't get off my fat ass. I went from 155 up to 174, down to 167.

This past January, I was at 167 lbs. That's when I decided I was terrified of watching myself get back to where I was at my biggest & started back up with SparkPeople. This time around, I've given myself smaller, short-term goals in hopes that the final goal wouldn't seem so daunting. When something seems unattainable or too far off, it's easy for me to tell myself it's impossible & let go. Here are the goals I set:

From January to March: reach 157
From March to May: reach 147
From May to September: reach 130

With calorie tracking & inconsistent exercise, I managed to hit the first goal just in the nick of time. Today is April 13th and this morning I weighed in at 155 lbs, which is where I've been since late March. That means I need to lose 8 more pounds by May 16th (my 6th wedding anniversary) to reach my second goal. I know that second goal is not going to happen b/c I hit a plateau & haven't even attempted to break out of it. But I'm not going to give up because I have to prove to myself that I'm not a quitter.  I'm still going to strive for as much healthy weight loss as possible between now and mid-May. Depending on where I am at that time, I'll adjust my short term goals so that they remain realistic and attainable.  Ideally, I'll reach my goal weight by my birthday, but if I have to extend that to Thanksgiving or Christmas, then so be it.  I just need to keep on truckin'.  

Current setback aside, I'm on my way and I'm proud. Sometimes my family roll their eyes at me when I'm using a measuring cup to measure out my portions or when we're at a restaurant & I write down my food on a napkin so I can put it into my food tracker later. (I have the sparkpeople app on my phone, but I don't like using it as much.)  And yes, it does get annoying sometimes that I can't just eat what I want or that I don't naturally enjoy a lot of physical activity. I just have to push through those thoughts and feelings b/c the goal is attainable and I can just imagine how rewarding it will feel when the scale announces that I've reached my goal weight. My body will feel better, my mind will be clearer, and I'll have one more thing to cling to for confidence on those days when I'm feeling less than stellar. Its never been closer. I can do this!

July 2010

January 2011

March 2013.
(Excuse the mess. The only full length mirror is in our props/game room.)