Lessons Learned

I'm participating in the Blogging from A-Z Challenge again this year. Today's post is brought to you by the letter L.

~*~*~*~*~

It wasn't intentional at first, but 2016 has been a year of personal growth and really focusing on my mindset and how I react to things.  Sometime toward the beginning of the year, I started feeling extremely unhappy with everything.  I tend to be a more upbeat person, so that sensation of being constantly miserable threw me for a loop.  In one of my introspective moments, I decided that no outside forces could change my attitude or bring back my happy.  I had to make it happen.  It is because of this shift within myself that I decided today's post should be all about the lessons I've learned so far in 2016.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned this year is that forgiveness is powerful, both for the forgiver and forgivee.  (Not a real word, but too bad. I'm making it one.)  This has been a tough one b/c I have a tendency to hold grudges or to feel this need for justice when someone has betrayed me in any way.  I was watching all of these awful people hurting others and then carrying on with life as usual and it was eating me up inside.  I would wait for retribution and when it didn't come, I got pissed.  I held that anger inside, letting it grow and fester and poison my personality.  There wasn't an "aha" moment or grand epiphany that prompted me to work on this aspect of my character.  I just couldn't stand the sickness I felt in that mindset anymore.  Since then I have been presented with multiple opportunities to forgive, ask for forgiveness, and be forgiven.  I can't accurately describe the difference between how these situations would have affected me before vs. how they affect me now.  All I can say is that this is definitely the side of the fence I'd rather be on.

Another lesson I've learned this year is that I have become a procrastinator and it sucks. I have gotten stuck in this rut of wanting something done but not making the time to do it.  I will go on and on about my goals and then when it's time to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, I find an excuse not to do it.  "I don't have time", "I can't afford it", "it's too overwhelming"....the list goes on and on.  Seriously, I never run out of excuses.  But as I'm listing out all the reasons why I can't, the pile of to-do's becomes a mountain and very little is actually getting accomplished.  I'm not afraid of hard work, so I don't understand how, why, or when I become this way.  All I know is it's not how I want to be and the satisfaction of ticking things off my to do list is addicting.  

I certainly haven't undergone an epic transformation by any means.  Overall I'm still the same old flawed Trish I've always been.  The difference is that I try to be more mindful of the things that keep snuffing out my fire and actively search for ways to get my spark back.  I have a lot of learning to do before I leave this world.  I'd like to cultivate some patience and learn how to turn off the voice in my head that constantly tells me I'm not good enough. I want to find ways to be more helpful, to be a better mother, wife, and friend.  Granted, I'm proud of the progress I've made, but I'm nowhere near finished.