Zephyr

I'm participating in the Blogging from A-Z Challenge again this year. Today's post is brought to you by the letter Z. ** Yes I'm posting a day early! **

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Sometimes change rides in like a zephyr, but leaves behind a path of destruction like a tornado.  It comes in soft and cool, full of hope and encouragement.  After it's gone, you look around and nothing is the same.  While your eyes were closed to enjoy the wind, it rearranged your house and put your underwear in the neighbor's tree.  Today, the zephyr blew my direction.

For fifteen years I've worked at the same place, comfortable even in frustrating times, knowing I was safe and my family was provided for.  From a childless 20 year old to a married-with-children 35 year old, ComNet has seen me through the biggest phases of my life.  Through birth, death, divorce, drama, and remarriage, it was constant where the rest of the world was in flux.  I didn't question it's stability, I didn't waiver in my loyalty.  I complained plenty, but leaving wasn't ever much of an option.  Until it left me.

For 5 days I have been sitting idle and scared, waiting to be told what my future has in store.  Would I continue at the company I've dedicated so much of my life to, or would I be back in the workforce, vying for jobs with nearly 100 other people in the same boat?  My gut told me that it would be the latter, but I held onto my denial and my hope until the call came that it was time to move on.  Today I'll be clearing out the desk I've sat in for 7 of the last 15 years.  I will empty trinkets from my days as a caller, notes from my time as a script developer or list processor, printed sheets from training classes long forgotten.  I'll bring home plants that were intended to keep my cubicle feeling less cube-ish, and pictures that I don't have a place for at home.  Drawings from my oldest kiddo in every stage of life, and silly notes from my besty.  It will all fit into a box or two, and make it's way home with me.

I have never fallen flat on my face, and I don't intend to do so now.  I have a plan.  I filed for unemployment, I will pimp out my house-cleaning/dog-poop retrieving/cross stitching/house sitting/baby sitting services to any friend or family member within a 20 mile radius. I will call our mortgage lender and the company we financed our car through, and find out what sort of hardship services they have to offer. I will cash in bottles and cans.  I will apply for every job I can that will fit mine and my family's needs.  I will walk with my besty in the afternoons until she is back to work.  I will spend time with my family.  I will clean house and do chores.  Somehow, I'll even find time to be alone and process my thoughts and feelings before they spill out like poison and hurt the people I love.

I will be sad, too.  I'll grieve what was and worry about what will be.  I've never been fired or laid off from any job, so this is foreign territory.  That frightens me, so I'll be fearful of the unknown.  I'll be confident and direct when speaking to potential employers and allow my true feelings to come out when speaking to friends.  I'll survive as I have every other thing that was meant to bring me down because I am a fighter.  

After all is said and done, the zephyr will feel good again.  Under the heat of a scorching sun, it will blow in and I'll understand it's purpose.  I will accept the cool relief and let my hair wave freely around my face, obscuring the view of what may be changing with the wind, not worrying about what I'll find when my vision is restored.  When it passes, I'll open my eyes, survey the scene, then pick up the pieces as I've done every time before.  I will fulfill my destiny, whatever it may be, with the sun and the wind and the world moving constantly around me.  I won't be moved and I won't stay down.  That's just not how I was made.