It's one of those days, folks. The kind of day when my thoughts are so loud & numerous that when someone asks me why I'm so quiet, I suddenly realize that an hour has passed & I haven't said a word, yet I feel like I've had 50 conversations. Days like this can be helpful b/c I can process a lot of what has been running through my brain & work through much of it. Days like this can also be vicious saboteurs, pushing away those who rely on me the most b/c I'm locked inside my mind instead of living real life.
There isn't one thing that triggers this hurricane of thoughts to start whirling around my head. I think I just spend so much time pushing a lot of thoughts & feelings to the side in order to deal w/ daily life, that the excess eventually piles up too high to be neatly swept in a corner & forgotten. At some point, it topples. The debris I've tried to ignore suddenly overwhelms my senses & the outside world takes a back seat while I wade through my messy head.
I feel bad for anyone who has to read this drivel. I feel worse for those closest to me who have to put up w/ the (for lack of a better term) "dark & twisty" side of me.
I guess my whole point in writing this is 1) full disclosure. If you want to read what I'm up to, I assume you want to read everything. Also, I don't see the point in being reserved about certain things just b/c they're not funny or entertaining. If everyone were so open & honest, maybe I wouldn't feel like a space alien most of the time b/c I'd see that other people deal w/ the same stuff. And 2) it helps. It gives me an outlet for these thoughts & gets them out of my head. It may also help you, my friends and/or family to know that when I'm quiet, you shouldn't take it personally. It's usually just another hurricane that needs to blow over before I can rejoin the rest of the world.