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Saturday, April 7, 2012

G will always be for Granny

I am participating in the Blogging From A-Z Challenge. Each day in April (except the last 4 Sundays), I will post topic themes that begin with the letters of the alphabet, from A-Z. Today's letter is G.
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Granny in her teens
The letter 'G' will always remind me of my Granny.  I know a lot of you who know me well or have read through my older posts know how much she means to me.  With all this non-dairy business I've been trying (today is day 4 completely dairy-free!), I've spent more time in the "hippy" section of our local grocery store.  Being back there always reminds me of my Granny, whom I lovingly refer to as the O.G. or Original Granola.  She was a health nut, very conscious about what she put into & on her body.  From her shampoo to her grilled tofu sandwiches on homemade bread, she was the quintessential granola. She even composted!!  

There isn't much I can say about my Granny that I haven't said a million times before.  I wish I could express how much she impacted me & why I find it so hard sometimes, even though she's been gone for nearly 7 years.  It's not like I sit around & dwell on her passing or that I'm in a perpetual state of mourning.  I've grieved & moved on long, long ago.  It's just that there are moments or events that pop up randomly that are so Granny-esque, it brings all those memories flooding back.

Though I didn't live with her, save for the first few weeks of my life, the bond that I felt & feel w/ her has always been more of a mother/daughter bond than a grandmother/granddaughter one.  She may not have raised me full-time, but she was a constant presence in my life. She was the person I turned to for advice & who I tried to model myself after.  

If I needed anyone's approval or praise, it was hers, and she never disappointed.  Until she got Alzheimer's. Before I knew she was sick, I noticed she wasn't returning my calls & letters as much.  I thought I had disappointed her in some way or she was distancing herself b/c I had done something wrong.  There was even a time when she called me thinking she was calling someone else.  I tried to strike up a conversation w/ her, but she seemed agitated & said she had to go, but would call me again another time.  It wasn't until she told me she was diagnosed w/ Alzheimer's that I realized that was the cause of her lack of contact w/ me.  That was one of the worst days of my life, but it was also the day before I found out I was pregnant w/ my daughter.

Granny & Cookie w/ Trin
Flash forward a little, Granny moved back down to "the Valley" where I live.  We got to reconnect.  She was there for the birth of my daughter, just as she had been there for my birth 22 years earlier.  She would brag to anyone that would listen about how alert & precocious her new great-granddaughter was.  We spent a lot of time together.  Eventually the Alzheimer's got worse & she was moved to a neighboring town about 20 minutes drive from me.  My visits had to be cut down to once a week.  My husband at the time said I was stupid for visiting her once she moved b/c she didn't even know who I was anymore.  He couldn't understand that I didn't care about that. All I cared about was being there for Granny as she had always been there for me.  (And for the record, she may not have known who I was, but she knew I was her visitor b/c the second I would walk in, she'd come stand next to me & walk around the lobby area & outside area, never leaving my side.  Somewhere under the dementia, she KNEW, and that's good enough for me.)

My all-time favorite picture!
When Granny passed, I felt lost.  It was like standing in a bright room & suddenly having all the lights turned off. Navigating through even the simplest things was difficult.  In time, I found my way again, and it was then that I really wished she could have been there to watch how much I grew & changed.  I got the courage to divorce the bastard I was married to, I lived on my own (just me & my kiddo) for the first time in my life, and eventually met & married Justin.  I wish so much that she could have been here to meet Justin.  I think she would have loved him & been very pleased w/ how much he has enriched mine & my kiddo's life.

Like I said, I don't sit around moping & grieving all the time. There are just moments in time that bring her to mind and the letter G will always be for Granny.

26 comments:

  1. good post this morning Trish.....I remember before she got all healthy.......She used to make Kathryn and I go get her a hot fudge sundae..with NO ice-cream.....after the server gave us the look......they woulkd say...soyou want hot fudge in a cup? and we said"yep"...with nuts & whip cream.....

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  2. Haha! That's hilarious! She actually started eating meat again about a year or so before she passed. It was very strange seeing her scarf down a roast beef sandwich from arby's. *lol*

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  3. She was beautiful! Both lovely pics, but that one of her as a teenager is a stunner.

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    1. She was a beautiful woman, inside & out. I really hope I age as gracefully as she did!

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  4. Nice photos. Granny looks content with you, and you with her... :)

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  5. Thank you for sharing your memories with us. Your Granny sounds like a very special person.


    Stopping in via the A-Z blogging challenge.

    Bev @ Blue Velvet Vincent

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! I'm always happy to share my memories of Granny. Everyone should be so lucky to have someone like her in their life.

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  6. A tribute like this always tells me someone has left behind much more than could ever have imagined. ♥

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    1. She definitely did! I hope somehow she knows that, too.

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  7. Beautiful tribute to your grandmother. She was obviously a huge blessing in your life.

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    1. Thank you, and yes, she was one of my greatest blessings. <3

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  8. What can I add that those commenting before me haven't already? Tribute... yes, loved... yes... I can say that she had a most wonderful granddaughter in you too.

    A-Z 2012 (#49) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Poetry
    A-Z 2012 (#861) - Bloggit Write A-Z 2012 - Haiku

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    1. Even though she's gone, I try to be someone she would be proud of.

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  9. I have a grandmother like yours - she is nearly 98 and I feel so lucky to still have her around. I consider her the big love of my life, and like you, felt as though she was more a mother than a grandmother. I'm sure she's with you all the time in so many ways.

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  10. I love that picture of her when she was younger, you definitely look like your Granny! Especially the smile.

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    1. I love that picture, too. :) I don't resemble her as much as I wish I did, but I have her hands. It's silly, but sometimes I'll be doing something & I'll see my hands looking so much like hers, and be strangely comforted. *lol*

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  11. What a lovely tribute to her. She would have been so proud of you, as I am sure she was.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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  12. Wonderful post. You had something very special. I'm trying to visit all the A-Z Challenge blogs this month.

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  13. My sister and our grandmother (Grammy) were really close. She died last year, and so I made a special cookie recipe that she'd taught me on the anniversary of her passing.

    Grandmas are really special, and I'm so grateful to have had mine as long as I did.

    Beautiful, touching post.

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    1. Thanks for reading. I like your way of keeping your Grammy's memory alive! :)

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  14. Your Granny sounds like a special person.:) I miss mine too.

    Great A-Z post!
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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