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Friday, April 5, 2013

The Ex Factor

I am participating in the Blogging From A-Z Challenge.  Each day in April (except Sunday), I will post topic themes that begin with the letters of the alphabet, from A-Z.  Today's letter is E.

One of the joys of modern technology is that it keeps us connected to people we may not otherwise talk to on a regular basis.  We can see pictures of their kids or keep up with the goings-on in their lives.  Sometimes, however, it can keep us tied to someone we had tried to disconnect from already: THE EX.  *cue ominous music*

So here you are, occasionally ranting about the ex on fb.  You may be carefully editing who sees the posts, but for the most part, you're carefree.  Hell, your privacy settings make everything friends-only and your friends love this shit.  If you're in a new relationship, you might also be unabashedly shouting your love from the rooftops or bragging on the latest & greatest thing your "trade-up" has done.  Again, your friends are happy that you're happy, so they encourage your lovey-dovey posts with "likes" in the double-digits & congratulatory comments.  Some who have been around awhile might even remind you of your good fortune by bringing up the ex & mentioning your previous misery.  Everything is going great. UNTIL............

...the ex sends you a friend request.  *gasp*

Now you're at a crossroads.  Do you accept the friend request, allowing access to your private life; a life you no longer share with your ex?  A life in which your ex's only role is a history lesson in what not-to-do, a great "oh snap" joke, and (as you sometimes point out in a status update) the unfortunately-for-you other half of your child's DNA?  Or do you deny the request, which you know will result in a wordy and unpleasant conversation in which your ex will proceed to make you out to be this immature loser who can't let go of the past.   

I can't tell you what you should do, but I'll tell you what I did.  I stuck my silly little head right down in the sand & pretended I never saw it.  After a couple weeks or so of covertly reading his fb posts without responding to his friend request, the ex inadvertently gave me a better answer to my dilemma.  He wrote a post about my parenting choices.  Not only was it unflattering, but it was also untrue.  In every situation life presents, it's my natural inclination to be extremely defensive.  It's 100x worse when it involves my child.  Therefore, I got mad, indignant, and contemplated calling him up and ripping him a new one.  That plan left my head as quickly as it entered b/c I knew it wouldn't solve anything.  I mean, come on! We were together for 10 years and literally NEVER solved an argument.  At the end, we were still fighting about things we fought about in the early days.  No joke.  So how on Earth could I think that fighting after we're divorced would yield a different result?!  Instead, I did the best, most logical thing: I blocked his sorry ass.   

I'm not going to claim to be the queen of ex etiquette, but it seems to me that sometimes it pays to eliminate the temptation altogether.  Truth be told, had I not been little Ms. Nosy Parker, I would have just blocked him from the get-go.  Either way, it's done and I'm much happier.  So when it comes to ex's online, just remember the words of the incomparable Kevin Smith: KA-BLOCK!

24 comments:

  1. Love that line: "it pay to eliminate the temptation altogether". Sounds advice here - and good for you for taking the better road and not responding. Great "E" post.

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    1. I should have blocked him from the very beginning b/c I knew it was just a matter of time before he said something that would make my blood boil. But I'm too nosy for my own good. It was hard not to respond, but I knew it wasn't worth it. If I wanted to fight with him all the time, I would have just stayed married to him. :)

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  2. I'm lucky to have a great ex-husband!

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    1. You're so lucky!! I know a few people who have been fortunate to come out of a divorce as friends, or at least friendly. I envy that. I tried in the beginning to go out of my way to keep it amicable, but at that point, the ex hated my guts and wanted me to hurt b/c I left him. Now when he tries to be friendly, I'm resistant b/c I know the other shoe will drop soon enough. Gee, I can't imagine why our marriage didn't work?! *lol*

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  3. Sounds like a wise decision! Don't go there... Just say no... You are choosing your battles wisely!

    Jana @ A Novel Reality

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    1. I wish I had been smart enough to block him from the get-go, but at least I wised up. :)

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  4. I think I get along better with my Ex now that I'm married to someone else!
    I always made a point not to talk crap about him in front of my daughter. And it worked for a good 12 years until my current hubby slipped and referred to him as the Donor in front of her. Ooops!

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    1. My ex quit calling me at random hours to cuss me out once I remarried, but he's still a jerk to me whenever he thinks he can get a "dig" in. After nearly 8 years apart, you'd think he'd be calm by now. I have slipped & said derogatory things about my ex with my kiddo around, but I watch what I say b/c there's no reason for her to be in the middle of our issues. For the most part, his name doesn't even come up in conversation; only when he sends me friend requests or pissy text messages. Thankfully, the texts are much less frequent these days.

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  5. You definitely made the right decision. Move on now - without him!

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  6. Ah, the old Facebook Friend dilemma. I tend to take the passive-aggressive route, and just leave their invite sitting there. I've got dozens of invites I have no intention of accepting, but don't have the guts to refuse.

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    1. The passive-aggressive route was my first choice. I let the ones I don't want to accept sit there for ages rather than deny them. I'm such a wuss. *lol*

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  7. I am so nosey, I only really had one messy break-up so I love to see what my exes are doing.

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    1. I check out old high school boyfriends' pages & whatnot to get my fb spy fix. :)

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  8. My ex-wife requested me and I hit deny with no hesitation. However, I do spy on her FB page, but, only because my kids live with her and, I don't trust her at all.
    Shawn at Reading Practice

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    1. I figured if I flat-out denied it, he'd call or text & start a fight. He hasn't said a word about me blocking him, though. He probably hasn't even noticed. If my kiddo lived w/ her bio-Dad, I'd be watching his fb page like a hawk for the same reasons you watch your ex wife's.

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  9. Wow! I'm surprised he even sent a friend request!

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  10. My ex send me a "follow" request on Twitter (there is no way he would ever do it on FB...really? I can't believe that your ex did!) and I have politely ignored. First of all, my blog posts to Twitter and I don't think I want him reading my inner thoughts, but more than that...he is my EX...Duh! Good job blocking! Bam...he's outta here!

    Shannon
    The Other Side of the Equation

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    1. That's what I'm thinking! I don't want him reading my innermost thoughts & feelings. I don't know why he'd want to. His interest in me shouldn't extend beyond our kiddo. Period.

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  11. The ex thing is so frustrating. I dont' have my ex as a friend but we still have mutual friends and they will randomly update me on his life which is weird but I wish him well. I think you made the right choice by blocking him!

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    1. Yeah, I get that, too. It's awkward. I wish my ex well, too. Mainly I wish he'd find a serious girlfriend or get remarried so he'd get off my back. :)

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  12. Stopping by from the #atozchallenge !
    @JLenniDorner

    Ha! Yeah, ex stalking is a great reason to change one's name.

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