I'm baaaack!

And when I say "back", I'm only referring to my physical presence. My mental faculties are always a few steps behind these days. ;p

First & foremost, I cannot say how relieved I am that my Dad's surgery went so well!! The doctor said it looked like the cancer stayed in his colon & didn't get into the lymph nodes. He sent some off for testing just to be sure and as long as those come back clear, my Dad won't need chemo.

The morning of Dad's surgery, I woke up sick as a dog. I spent about 4 hours alternating between curling up in a ball on my Dad's couch & heaving in his bathroom. It was a lot of fun, let me just tell you. No, seriously. Who wouldn't want to spend the day of their father's big surgery feeling like someone was playing merry-go-round w/ their guts?! But I'm a trooper & managed to pull myself together enough to go up to the hospital until the doc told us to leave so they could get Dad prepped for surgery. I pumped my body full of pepto, 7-up, and saltines and was good as new by the time Dad was in recovery.

After 2 nights & 3 days out of town, I was glad to be back home, but it was very difficult to leave my Dad up at the hospital. Not b/c the nurses & doctors aren't capable of caring for him, but b/c I worry what will happen once he's out of the hospital. Is a 21 year old boy going to be there for him when he needs something and help pitch in on the bills while Dad is out of work or just cause Dad more grief? Will his over-bearing ex-wife stop the theatrics and back off or just add to his stress? When my mom was in the hospital, I spent the majority of each day there w/ her. I made phone calls and talked to nurses/doctors, I handled whatever needed to be done, and generally just tried to be the buffer between her & reality so she could recover w/out additional stress. There isn't anyone there to do that for my Dad. At least not from what I saw while I was there. Yes, he's a grown man, but he just had a major health scare & surgical procedure. I think he deserves some worry-free recovery time. I don't feel like the person who steps in has to be me, but I wonder if anyone will step in or if he'll be facing it all on his own. Being over 2 1/2 hours away makes me feel powerless and frustrated. He's my Dad, the only one I have. I love him. I want him to rest and recoup and live many, many more years. He still owes me a game of dirty word scrabble, dammit!

While I tried to breathe deep & let go of things that are out of my control, I made one of the most epic parenting fails I've made since the time I watched an episode of South Park w/ my 9 year old: I forgot that Wednesday is an early release day at Trin's school. So while I planned my arrival to coincide w/ her 2:30 release time, Trin got out at 1:30. At 1:45pm, Trin's school called to tell me that she was in the office & ask if she had someone to pick her up. I managed to make 3 phone calls while speeding down I-5 before my phone battery died. Between my 3 panicked phone calls, Trin was picked up from school by my mother in law. Thank God for her!!! Because I had no way to call, my besty also showed up at the school to pick Trin up, but was informed she was already gone. It's a relief to know that when I made colossal mistakes, I have a trifecta of support in place to save my ass!! What would I do w/out them?

Today, it's back to business as usual, kind of. I only have little Mikie on Saturday so I'm going to jump back into my normal routine but also begin the workout plan my hubs & I keep saying we want to start. Mikie's mom has been moved to day shifts, so I am mostly done w/ the babysitting gig. (Kind of bittersweet, honestly. I'm glad for the extra time & the money I'll be saving on gas, but I already miss seeing my crazy little kamikaze nephew almost everyday.) I didn't have much time to over-think before, but now that Dad is on the mend & I'm back home, it's starting to hit me just what a wild ride life can be. Constant change & motion, ups and downs, sudden curves...it's certainly a crazy kind of beautiful. Time to jump back in head first & see where it takes me next.