Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Talkin' 'bout my girl

Last night I decided to pop a videotape into the vcr (yes, those still exist!) & watch some home movies while I tackled Mount St. Laundry.  The tape I chose was from 2004, when my baby girl was between the ages of 15-18 months.

Trinity circa 2004 (appox. 18 mos old)
As that cherubic little faced popped up on the screen, I was hypnotized by her big, blue eyes & sweet little baby voice.  When you see your child every day, you don't always realize how much they've grown.  I couldn't help but laugh at how in the videos I'm constantly asking Trin to say "bye-bye", say "cookie", etc. when these days I'm wishing she'd just shut her yapper for 5 minutes!    Those weren't the best years of my life in terms of my marriage or my overall emotional well-being, but I was privy to some of the greatest moments I'll ever experience.  I want to grab all those memories, gather them up, and hoard them.  I don't want to ever forget them, although they are already becoming fuzzy with the passing of time.

Trinity has always been an awesome child.  I remember when I was pregnant with her, I worried incessantly that I'd miscarry b/c it just seemed so unreal that I was going to be a mother.  It was something I prayed for, something I cried about, something I wanted so desperately, and it was finally happening.  I rubbed my tummy, even when there wasn't much of a tummy yet to rub, and read books to her.  The first time the pregnancy felt real was the night I got "the flutters".  It was like someone was tickling the inside of my stomach with a feather.  Flash forward a few months, I'm laying on the couch watching American Idol & start singing along with one of the contestants who was singing Edwin McCain's "I'll Be".  Suddenly there was this pressure in my lower abdomen. I put my hand on my stomach just in time to feel Trinity's first big movement.  I didn't think I could be any more in love with this little human being, but I was so wrong!

Trinity the Tyrant circa 2007 (just shy of 5 yrs)
The day she was born was, obviously, the single greatest day in my entire life.  Since then, I have watched her hit milestone after milestone, growing and developing at such a fast pace.  At the time when the video was shot in early 2004, she had a pretty solid vocabulary started.  She said the usual "momma", "daddy", "hello", "bye-bye", "water", etc.  She also said "cracker", "cookie", "Nana", "Papa", and "doggy".  She could also point out all her major body parts like her tummy, her nose, and her stinky feet. Looking back at my daughter as a toddler, I can see the beginning of some of her stronger personality traits coming through.  For example, she almost NEVER does anything I ask.   She just plugs along at her own pace, doing her own thing, and paying little attention to the direction I'm trying to give her.  (Which is both a good and bad thing. *lol*)  That's also when the barking started.  At one point I ask her to say "doggy" and she just looks at me and makes this yippy dog noise instead.

While I was watching her toddle around on the video, present-day Trinity came into the room & started watching it with me.  It was hard to believe that the freckle-faced young lady that crawled up next to me could possibly be the same little girl.  I can't quite wrap my mind around how quickly time has passed & how much my baby has grown. She giggled at her tiny-self & asked a lot of questions about what she was like back then.  I just stared in amazement & disbelief at her metamorphosis.  And it seemed as if my heart simultaneously swelled with pride & broke clean in half.

Trinity in May 2012
I will never have those moments with Trinity again.  They are long gone & the teen years are on the horizon.  She has started pulling away a little, preferring the company of her friends over the company of her boring old parents, but she still likes us.  Soon enough, we're going to be more of a nuisance to her than anything.  I hope & pray I've done my job well up to this point b/c she's certainly going to put me to the test.  It's bad enough that the time has passed so quickly with Trin, but I also feel a pang of sadness at the thought that it's likely never to happen again, ever.  It's entirely possible that there will be no more babies for me.  And even worse, Justin didn't get to be a part of any of it until Trinity was 3 years old.  That is some serious salt in the wounds, y'all.

In spite of all these emotions swirling around, I am amazed.  I'm in awe.  I'm dumbstruck.  A human being was created, developed within me, has grown up under my wings, and is now nearly 10 years old.  My munchkin. My greatest accomplishment.  She is absolutely amazing.

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