Thursday, April 28, 2016


I'm participating in the Blogging from A-Z Challenge again this year. Today's post is brought to you by the letter X.


I know it's a bit of a stretch, but today I'm not using X as a letter, but rather the Roman numeral 10.  Which makes sense b/c in exactly 1 week, the hubs and I will be celebrating 10 years since the day we officially started dating.

I'd like to say it's been a good year for us, but that would be a lie.  Our relationship has taken more hits in the last 3 years than any other time before, and it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be to find our footing again.  I can say there have been a lot of awesome moments that remind me why I fell in love with Justin in the first place and why I refuse to ever give up on him or us.  In my book, that's enough of a win to not call the year a complete bust.  Sometimes all you can hope for are a series of moments you can string together to form a rope that allows you a better grip on something worth saving.  It's not the fairy tale people envision, it's certainly not something I thought I'd ever have to do with Justin, but I accept it because I will not accept the alternative.  

Over the last 10 years, our lives have changed in ways we never imagined, for better and for worse.  Looking back over this blog, and previous ones, I'm reminded of a more romantic version of myself and just how deeply I fell for Justin.  I'm also reminded of a time when we had ample opportunity to cultivate more than just a marriage, but also a friendship.  In a lot of ways, I treasure that side of us so much more than anything b/c it's our foundation.  As long as the foundation doesn't crumble, everything else if fixable.  So when we do get a chance to put some time into us, apart from the kids and the house and our jobs, that is who I try to reconnect with first: my best friend.  When we do hit that sweet spot where we're enjoying each other's company and laughing together, the butterflies and romantic feelings come flooding back.  Though few and far between, those moments are crucial and oh so precious!

A decade into this crazy roller coaster ride, I can't say we're where I thought we'd be, but we've still got "it".  He still makes me laugh in ways no one ever has, and makes my whole entire body, mind, and spirit feel good. Our biggest problem is not putting our relationship higher on the list of priorities.  After kids, bills, and work, we're too tired to put effort into anything else.  We get lazy about celebrating milestones together or just simply spending any time alone.  I don't even recall the last time we went on a date.  That is one huge flaw in our marriage and one we've talked at length about changing and improving. It's a work in progress to keep the spark in a long relationship. I see a lot of room for growth from both of us, but I have complete faith we'll get there.  Ten years doesn't look like it did in my head, but it's not a bad view.  

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