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Sunday, February 12, 2012

This is the story of our mulligan

Mulligan : a free shot sometimes given a golfer in informal play when the previous shot was poorly played.

No, I'm not a golf fan. (Sorry, Dad!) Mulligan is just the first word that pops into my head when I think about my marriage. Valentine's Day is coming up and this week's GBE2 topic is "do-over", so it seemed the appropriate time to write about one of the two things I cherish most in this whole world: my mulligan.

Let me start by saying I'm not advocating divorce. I hate that I've been divorced. But it was also the best thing that could have ever happened to me & my daughter. And I did not enter into it easily or without thinking about the effect it would have on everything & everyone around me. My ex-husband & I managed to stay married over 8 years. I don't know how, or really even why, we stuck it out that long, but I believe it was all just a prelude to when my life would really begin: February 28, 2006. Fat Tuesday. The day I met Justin.

Justin & I have never been conventional when it comes to how our relationship progresses. We started out as friends who wanted to be more than friends. But I was stubborn. I felt like there needed to be a time frame before I could fall in love & start seriously dating. After all, we met less than 2 months after I ended a relationship that began when I was only 15 years old & lasted 10 years. I was of the opinion that I had to be single for a certain amount of time & I really did try to stick to my convictions. But dammit if I didn't love Justin in a way that made it absolutely impossible to deny. We were exclusively dating (without calling it that) for a couple weeks before I finally "upgraded" him to boyfriend. 7 months later we moved in together. 2 months after that, he proposed. And 5 months after that we enjoyed a week in Las Vegas where we had a 5 day honeymoon, got married on the 6th day, and flew home on the 7th day. (We refer to this week as our "reverse honeymoon".) We've created our own normal and I have to say, it's worked very well thus far.

We refer to our marriage as our mulligan b/c we both had awful first marriages. So you can imagine that we came into our relationship with baggage. But we also came into it with wisdom. Having experienced what a marriage shouldn't be, we each had a list of deal breakers; things we weren't willing to settle on. One of which is respect. That was seriously lacking in our previous marriages and in the end, it was one of the big factors in our divorces. Something else we are unwavering on is friendship. That's right, we're friends. Best friends, in fact. I truly believe that we have and will continue to overcome many challenges b/c the friendship that is at the core of our relationship is too precious to lose. If we ever split up, I wouldn't just be losing a husband, I'd be losing my closest and dearest friend. I would be utterly devastated.

Sure, I suppose marriage is something you should get right the first time. And in a perfect world, we all would. Then there are times you give it your best shot and it's just not enough. You need a second chance. A do-over. A mulligan.


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BTW, if you want to read more about our love story, I posted about it here and here and here. Oh, and also here.

32 comments:

  1. I have a mulligan. I trained him for his next wife. She should send chocolate, just as long as she doesn't return him :)

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    1. *lol* I think my ex is untrainable. If he hasn't gotten a clue by the age of 37, he'll never get it. I do wish I could thank my husband's ex wife for letting him go so I could find him, though. I'd send her flowers if I could! :)

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  2. Great post, Trish!!! I didn't realize you met Justin that quickly after your divorce. About the same for Kree and I, and I absolutely felt the same as you. I needed to be single for X amount of time..and my family was uh, not supportive. Our 2 year anniversary is February 22nd, so far so good. :)

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    1. I was really worried that people would be too caught up in how soon we started dating that they wouldn't get to know Justin as a person. Thankfully most people weren't too judge-y. And those that were have since had to eat their words. :) I'm so glad you found Kree & hopefully your family will come around, if they haven't already.

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  3. Nice write! Trish. My husband lives in a different state, and we are managing to hold it together because we are best friends. Keep striving for the best even during difficult times.

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    1. Yes, I definitely think having a deep friendship makes a huge difference. It has to be a challenge to hold together a long distance marriage, but then again, when you really love someone, you make the best of whatever situation you find yourselves in.

      Thanks for reading!! :)

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  4. That is a beautiful post! Congrats on your Mulligan! Sometimes divorce is the best thing to do, especially when a child is involved. I did the same thing! Actually, my ex (my daughter's donor) and I get along better now.

    Found you on the A-Z challenge - hi!

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    1. I still dislike my ex, but b/c we have a child together, I tolerate him. He isn't overly involved so we're not exactly co-parents, but now that it's been over 6 years since we split up, we are able to get together for her birthdays & my ex comes over on Christmas & spends a couple hours or so. I wouldn't associate w/ him if it weren't for our daughter, but I definitely don't let on to her that I can't stand him. :)

      I'm glad you stumbled on my blog. Thanks for reading!

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  5. So glad you found your silver lining at the end of the dark cloud. I think it is a must for a good marriage to marry your best friend!

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    1. I absolutely agree that it is a must! I always thought people were being corny when they said their spouse was their best friend. Now I understand & it's not corny at all!

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  6. You know how you leave a long meaningful comment then somehow you lose it. Well that just happened. DANG. Anyway in short - enjoyed your post. ;-)

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    1. I hate when that happens! *lol* Thanks for reading!

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  7. I love a good love story and when it's a mulligan that's a bonus!
    Glad you found happiness and many more years to you both.
    Happy Valentine's Day ♥

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    1. Thank you! I'm a very, very lucky girl!

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  8. Happiness in any form brings a smile to my face... congrats on your "mulligan".

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  9. Sometimes you just don't get it right the first time, but then you find the one. The One that you should have been with all along and that you may not have appreciated if you hadn't had the first experience. Do overs in marriage are scary. I was terrified when I married my husband, not because I didn't love him but because I was afraid of making another mistake. It all turned out OK, thank goodness. Great blog!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

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    1. I don't think I'd be the same if it weren't for those experiences. The saying "that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" is absolutely right!

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  10. Lovely post. Sometimes things are right and there ain't no fighting it! Glad you got your mulligan (and thanks for telling me what the hell it meant!)

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    1. I figured I'd throw in a definition for those who don't know what a mulligan is. The only reason I know is b/c my Dad is obsessed w/ golf. :)

      Thanks for reading!

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  11. Glad you got your mulligan. still waiting for mine. Great post enjoyed that.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it; thanks for reading! :)

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  12. True love is worth whatever rough road we have to take to get there. GREAT job on this topic!

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    1. Thank you. And I completely agree, it is well worth it.

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  13. What a great way of thinking about this. I'm so glad you got your Mulligan! :)

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  14. Loved the mulligan reference and your perspective:) Great story! Look forward to reading more. Best of luck to the both of you.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it & thank you. :)

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  15. I'm glad you got it right the second time around.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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