Friday, July 16, 2010

You might need some insulin for this one!

I am a love monster. Having only been truly in love once before, I am still learning exactly what it means to love someone other than my child. Some days, I act really dumb. I'm insecure and frightened. I get so focused on what could go wrong, that I sabotage myself. Then other days, I'm indifferent. I think that's a throw-back to my previous marriage in which I was dubbed the "ice queen" by my spouse. When you're married, the day-to-day monotony can really numb you and cause a lack of appreciation for all that you have. Usually when that happens, I find myself suddenly thrown into the stage I'm in now: twitterpation.

It only takes a moment to remind me how blessed I truly am to have found my puzzle piece. To be a part of something as amazing as my marriage is. Individually, we're flawed and bruised. Sometimes to the point of frustration. I get insecure, he gets quiet and shuts down. I get upset, he gets upset. We argue. Our relationship is not w/out bumps in the road. But strip away those imperfections and what you find underneath is solid. At times we may not like each other, but we always love each other.

When I'm in the throes of twitterpation, I often think back to when I first met Justin. If I never believed in serendipity before, I definitely do now. Back then, I was fresh out of a 10 year-long toxic relationship and not ready to settle down at all. I was a single mom with 3 days a week to fill b/c at that time my ex and I were sharing custody. So, without direction and needing to experience a life I had bypassed by marrying at the disgustingly young age of 17, Tuesday nights were my bar nights. My partner in crime, Genn, and I spent a particularly fun Fat Tuesday hopping from bar to bar, enjoying being free. While stopped at my personal favorite haunt, TJ's Place, Genn's friend Taylor showed up. And with Taylor came the boy I would, that night, dub Nirvana Hoody Boy. Nirvana Hoody Boy and I chatted but I was pre-occupied with my still-new freedom and didn't linger terribly long. What I do remember about that night was that I enjoyed Nirvana Hoody Boy's company and wouldn't be sad if we found ourselves conversing again in the near future. Before we parted ways, he asked how to find me on Myspace so he could see the night's pictures. (And it was lucky he asked b/c I would have walked out of there w/out offering any contact information at all.) I wrote my Myspace ID on his hand, left the bar, and never heard from him again. (Though he did come up in conversation pretty often, I played it cool and never let on that I might have a wee bit of a crush on this stranger. Even to the point of dismissing him as just any other unremarkable boy.)

A few weeks passed and I was still trying to make up for the things I had always regretted missing out on before I got married. I had some wild oats that needed to be sowed. As was becoming our routine, Genn invited me out for some Tuesday night debauchery. This night, I wasn't really in the mood to go out and even contemplated canceling, but Genn was excited and I didn't want to spoil the fun so I went out anyway. We met up at Taylor's apartment. No sooner had I walked in the door, Taylor pounced. "Justin won't stop talking about you. He keeps asking me how to find you on Myspace." Somehow in the course of that sentence, he had dialed Justin's phone number and handed me the phone. Nirvana Hoody Boy was now Justin. Justin and I talked a little; rekindling that interest that I had emphatically denied after our first meeting.

After Justin found my profile on Myspace, we didn't stop talking. We messaged and commented back and forth. Eventually, I took it a step further and offered up my Yahoo Messenger ID. After getting to know him a little more via IM, I offered up my phone number. And once we exchanged phone numbers, a day didn't pass that we didn't talk or text. Still not wanting to commit to anything that may turn serious, I played it cool. Then April 25th happened. I invited Justin out to dinner (not a date; just as friends). We ate, had fun, then went back to his apartment to play Shout About Movies and drink mimosas. I'll spare the details, but will tell you that was the first time we spent the night together.

From April 25th to May 5th, I tried to fool my friends into believing that it was just any other budding relationship and probably wouldn't be serious. But privately, we were already talking about how we'd high-five after every major milestone we reached together. We said we'd high-five when we got married and after the birth of each of our children. Yes, after our first night together, I knew I was going to marry him one day. I didn't divulge that information to my friends b/c I still felt like there was a time-frame that I needed to adhere to before getting into another relationship. So I fought it as long as I could. But on Cinco De Mayo, we upgraded to boyfriend and girlfriend. May 8th I told him I loved him. December 25th he proposed. May 16th we high-fived at the Graceland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas. And the rest is still history in the making.

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