I have two pet projects I've committed myself to that I'm starting to wonder if I'll actually be able to pull off. One is building a kitchen for a disabled 2 year old girl whose Grandma posted an ad on Craigslist. I saw the ad & it called to me, so I emailed her & said to give me time to make it happen, but that I'd make one by refurbishing an old entertainment center. The second project is what I call Rogue Valley Blessing Bags. I saw it on pinterest & again, it called to me & I started a fb page to try to get others in the area involved in making "Blessing Bags" to pass out to folks in our area in need. I want to plan & throw a bag making party to gather everyone involved in one location & make as many bags as possible. Then I want to coordinate the same group to deliver them to a few various locations (or even just one location) where we know people are in the greatest need. Both are awesome ideas & would be relatively easy to pull off if it weren't for my financial situation at the moment.
I am in a better position than a lot of people, so I hate to even whine about being broke. But the fact is, I'm broke. That being said, it's pretty amazing that my hubby suggested we buy a toy kitchen for the little girl from Craigslist that he found on sale on the day after Thanksgiving. It would end up costing more to go that route, but it wouldn't take up a lot of time, which is something I don't have a lot of anyway. It seems a little less special, but I'm sure the Grandma would understand & be grateful anyway. But I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to finagle the funds for the Blessing Bags. Just admitting that out loud makes me feel like an epic failure. If I were receiving Christmas money, I'd just use that & pass out the bags after the holidays rather than before. But I'm no longer at the age where people send bday or Christmas cards with $5 bills tucked inside them. Damn adulthood....always getting in the way!!
I'm racking my brain to find ways to make these two projects happen without taking much away from my family. Justin's birthday is coming up next month & with as much as he puts up w/ by being married to me, I refuse to not throw him a party just so I can follow through with my crazy philanthropic ideas.
My biggest peeve with people is when they give their word but don't follow through with it. I have had the occasion to make promises & then break them & it always leaves me with a horrible feeling deep down in my gut. I feel like a failure. Like a liar. I absolutely hate it. So to think that at least one of my projects will not happen is a disappointment I can't even put into words. A double-failure is out of the question, but even a single failure is enough to make me want to cry. And throw things. And probably hit things. And cry some more b/c I now have to replace things that I broke b/c I threw them. It's really a no-win situation here.