Monday, April 3, 2017

Baby Bumpin' #AtoZChallenge

I'm participating in the Blogging from A-Z Challenge again this year. Today's post is brought to you by the letter B.


Mere hours before I found out I was pregnant with baby Sawyer, I was celebrating a huge weight loss goal.  Once I realized I'd be gaining weight for a greater purpose, I swore I would try my best to control it.  Spoiler alert: I didn't control a damn thing.  At 30 weeks, I've gained a whopping 40 lbs, which puts me right on track w/ my previous 2 pregnancies.  There are days the scale makes me cry and days I avoid it because ignorance is bliss.  My doc warned me that I'd probably gain pretty quick since I was restricting calories to lose the weight, but I wanted to live in the land where I had the "perfect" amount gained in a "perfect" little bump.  No big hips and love handles, no fat arms or legs.  I know now that was unrealistic.

As I said, I've gained more than the recommended 25-35 lbs with each of my pregnancies.  With my first pregnancy, I gained 51 lbs.  The 2nd time around, I topped that by 10 lbs.  Time will tell where I find myself on the scale when Sawyer arrives.  Whatever the number, I will hate it.  I will wish I had done x, y, and z differently.  I will agonize over it because that's what I do.  It's stupid and even as I type this, I wish it weren't the way my brain works.  I wish I was at peace with whatever my body decides to do during pregnancy and feel confident regardless.  That's just not me.  I prefer to beat myself up and sit miserably in my self-loathing.  

There is one thing that wipes out the self-hatred and my unhealthy obsession with the number on the scale: bump photos.  It's incredible what our bodies do when we're growing humans and it's hard to feel anything but gratitude and joy when I see my belly swelling with life.  It's incredible, even at it's worst.  And so, for today, I'm going to share some bump pictures, both past and present.  

6 mos pregnant w/ Trinity
The night before Trinity was born, 37.5 weeks along

16 weeks along w/ Presley
38 weeks pregnant w/ Presley
15 weeks pregnant w/ Sawyer
30 weeks with Sawyer...and bigger every day!

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