Just keep swimming, just keep swimming

That's right folks, I'm quoting Dory. The forgetful blue fish w/ the most memorable quote from a ridiculously adorable movie.

Instead of carrying on & on about why I need to "just keep swimming" (b/c I don't want to talk about it anymore than you want to hear about it) I'm going to share my clever little creation of the day. My very own version of the Keep Calm poster:

There's a story behind the salve. My Granny is what I lovingly refer to as a "granola", or as I like to call her, the Original Granola (O.G.) Growing up, any injury or skin ailment could be solved w/ salve. If I had a dollar for every time she told me to "put some salve on it", I could buy a lot of salve! So last night as I was cooking dinner, (yes I said cooking. I do that occasionally, believe it or not) I reached over the toaster oven to unplug a cord. Unfortunately for me, it was still hot from the french bread I had just cooked & I got a lovely burn on my wrist. My first thought: I should put some salve on it. I had to giggle at myself & Granny's granola legacy living on. And like any good internet junky, I knew the moment had to be commemorated w/ a Keep Calm poster.

Now I'm going to shut up & go to bed. And tomorrow I'll wake up to start a new day, hoping like hell it's better than today. Even if only by a tiny fraction. And if it isn't? Well...I guess I'll just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

Ghetto craftiness at it's finest **Updated**

I couldn't afford the primer & paint for my shelf project, but I did manage to squeeze out the little bit of $ it cost to make 5 homemade gifts.

Basically the deal was this: I re-posted a status that said that I would make homemade gifts for the first 5 people to comment. Only 4 people commented, but my uncle "liked" my status, so I included him in there for good measure. After completing the first project, I was unstoppable & wound up finishing all 5 gifts over the course of a few days. Since 3 people have yet to receive theirs, and b/c I want them to see it in person before seeing it on the internets, I'm not going to talk about those ones just yet.

The first gift I delivered was for my friend, Unique, who proved to be the hardest to come up w/ an idea for. Not b/c she's difficult, but b/c we don't spend a lot of time together & I really wanted to be sure to make gifts that meant something or reflected everyone's personalities. I didn't want to pump out 5 random & thoughtless little crafty things & pass them out indiscriminately. At first, I was going to make her a canvas w/ her last name on it, some fancy little woopdy-doos & then write "Est. 2007" on it. Instead, I stumbled across something on pinterest that seemed much more fitting. At the risk of pointing out how much my knock-off version pales in comparison to the real deal, here is a photo of my inspiration for Unique's gift:

And here is my version:

Not quite as cute, obviously, but I never said I was Martha Stewart! I used photoshop to add the crown, swirlies, and writing, then stuck little gems in strategic places. Finally, I glued lace around the outside edge. The lace is from a collection of old lace & buttons my Granny gave me. The piece of lace that I used fit the canvas PERFECTLY; I didn't have to trim it at all. I took that as a sign. :)

The 2nd gift I delivered was one I made for my cousin Dena. Since I come from a mondo-huge family, I don't know all my relatives' personalities very well. I do know that we're all a little quirky & whimsical, so I found this idea on pinterest & decided it was the perfect gift for Dena:

I used a smaller canvas, didn't frame it, and used lighter colored flowers that I thought were much cuter than the brownish ones used in the pinterest version. Here is my interpretation:

This was the funnest of the gifts b/c I got to use hot glue & a hair dryer.

With those creative juices flowing, I decided to make another little homemade doo-dad. This one wasn't for anyone I know. It was for a family member of a friend of my friend Caroline. I knew I wanted to make a card, but I didn't know how I wanted to decorate it. Until I saw this photo on pinterest:

Again, my version is not nearly as cute, but I think it turned out pretty darn good:

I put a little note inside that said "Congratulations on your new little sweet pea."

I'll share the rest of the gifts I made after they're delivered. Two of them went in the mail yesterday & the other one I will give to my friend, Chrissie, the next time I see her. I feel really good about finishing all of my crafty endeavors, even if I'm not very confident in my ability to make them look cute. I just keep telling myself that if the recipients don't actually like them, they'll at least lie to me & say that they do, which will make me feel better. And I can be proud of the fact that I made sure to put serious thought into each one & made them with love.

**Update**
Thanks to the swiftness of our US Postal Service, one of the gifts was already delivered, so I can post it. This one was the first gift I finished & I was pretty happy w/ how it turned out. Since it was wood, I was able to print the words out on a piece of paper, then trace the letters w/ a pen on the paper so I could follow the grooves on the wood to make it look nice. Cuz goodness knows if I had to do my own writing, it would be all lopsided & sloppy. But first, my inspiration:

And now for my version:

Yet again I'm seeing these & remembering why I keep my day job. *lol*

**UPDATED AGAIN**
My friend Chrissie stopped by last night & picked up her homemade gift. This was the inspiration, which I found on one of her pinterest boards.

With some really good input from my buddy-in-law, Mike, this is the final product:

I used Chrissie's fb page as a guide to her favorite movies for the quotes. (Although I did sneak in a quote from the Worst Day Since Yesterday web show we were in.)

Only one more gift to go & that's just waiting on the USPS. It should arrive to it's destination anyday & when it does, I'll post the final update. :)

Falling short

I'm so easily distracted & redirected! To summarize, here are the things I've been extremely anxious/excited/passionate about starting lately:

1) Getting back to my healthy lifestyle
2) Volunteering/doing more in my community
3) Re-organizing my house
4) Blogging consistently
5) Being crafty

And here are the things I've started:


...


Yeah, I got nothin'. I haven't gotten off my lazy ass to work out in a couple of weeks & I've been eating like crap. I haven't started my first re-organization project b/c I'm not sure if I can afford the paint this payday. I have yet to get involved in my community. I'm not writing consistently. And the most crafty thing I've done is make a tutu for Trin & her wolf, Pip. (A tutu that I meant to make as a Christmas gift, but didn't actually work on until this past Monday.)

There is just so much that I want to do that I find myself running in place. The best way to describe it is trying to untangle a knot. Sometimes it's such a mess that it's hard to find a starting point. Last year was such a great year for me, personally. I felt better than I had in a very long time. I felt confident and active and vibrant. Yes, vibrant. And now? I can't even stand to look in the mirror b/c I'm so frustrated w/ myself & my lack of motivation. For example: working out. I know how good it makes me feel. Even if I'm not losing weight, I feel better. But I don't push myself to step on the elliptical or go for a walk. I just sit in my dull little haze, too tired to do much. And every day that passes w/out accomplishing a goal, is another day I hate myself for being such a loser. The same can be said for any of the things on my to-do list. I want to do them sooo bad, yet somehow I talk myself out of it every time. "I don't have the money" is a big one. I tell myself that one a lot. "I don't have the time" is another one. "I'm so exhausted" is another. The list of excuses is endless. And I'll tell you where that gets me: nowhere. Fast.

My hope in writing this is to a) see how ridiculous I'm being & snap out of this funk I'm in and b) have something to look back on when I'm doing well so that I'm reminded why I can't stop. I know I won't always feel like this. It's a phase and all phases pass at some point. I just don't like hating myself and I don't like wasting my potential. Considering how much it annoys me to see someone who can never stick to anything they set out to do, it really bothers me that I'm currently one of those people.

Today after work I'm going to the craft store to pick up the few supplies I need for some hand-made gifts I'm making. (I did the fb re-post thing to make hand-made gifts for the first 5 people to comment. Only 4 people commented, but I'm doing it anyway.) The domino effect I'm aiming for is this: once I get those creative juices flowing by finishing the gifts, it will renew my excitement for working on getting the house organized. Once the house is starting to be more organized, my brain will follow suit. Once my brain isn't such a clouded mess, I won't feel as tired. When the fatigue lifts a little, I'll get off my ass and work out. When I'm working out, I'll be more confident. When I'm more confident, I'm more outgoing and therefore will find it easier to pursue volunteering interests. (Granted, this is my best case scenario and therefore not exactly how it's going to work out. Also, I might not end up working on these things in this particular order.) There will be more days like today when I feel hopeful but unmotivated. There will be times when I fail & start to hate myself for it, thus causing a downward spiral. But this is my rock-bottom. So there's nowhere to go but up, even if I have to take baby steps to get there.

Nesting, nesting, 1, 2, 3

Feeling discontent & self-loathing mounting, I tried to seek inspiration in a book called The Happiness Project. Keep in mind, I like self-help books as much as I like science fiction, which is to say not at all. But this one looked interesting & it was available at my local library. Fighting hard for motivation to do something other than wallow, I finally managed to read about 10 pages of the book before realizing it just wasn't grabbing me & holding my interest. But it wasn't a complete loss: within those first few pages, the author writes that one of the things she wanted to accomplish was getting organized. I didn't read far enough into the book to allow her to elaborate, but just the mention of how the outward clutter causes her inward discomfort was enough to spark the little light bulb over my head.

I've said it a million times, but when my house is messy, disorganized, or cluttered, my head mirrors that. This phenomenon, this wonderful little quirk in a sea of eccentricities that make me a first-rate nutjob unique, hasn't reared it's ugly head in quite awhile. The last major brain-clutter I can recall was in the house we were renting before we bought our home. I thought the difficulty stemmed from how small that house was. But the house we live in now is twice the size of the last one and the clutter has grown right along with it. Mo' clutter, mo' problems, yo.

So I'm a girl on a mission to de-clutter, reorganize, and make my house prettier. The first thing I have my sights on is the shelf in my kitchen. It's one of our many catch-all areas & frankly, it's ugly. My plan is this: prime it w/ a magnetic primer, paint it w/ chalkboard paint, then toss out the vast majority of the crap that is currently on it.

The reason I mention the magnetic primer & chalkboard paint is b/c not only do I want it to look prettier & be neater, I want it to be more functional. If I can't clear out as much of the crap in our house as I want to b/c I'm married to a pack rat & my daughter is a burgeoning hoarder, then I need to find a way to make certain things function better so it's a more organized chaos.

Once that eyesore is done, I want to tackle Trinity's bedroom. I've decided to throw out & donate the vast majority of her toys b/c she NEVER plays w/ them. I want to keep only what will fit neatly into a single bucket tote, with the exception of a few sentimental items that I will have to find a place for. I want to empty her closet of EVERYTHING that is in there now & turn it into a little reading/homework area. She already has a desk, but I'm going to keep my eyes open for something smaller. I want to paint the inside of the closet a different color (possibly lavender if Trin will go along w/ it) and put her desk & bookshelf in there.

Also on my to-do list, in no particular order, is the eventual transformation of our current storage room into a den-like area. Our bar is too big to move into that room, though that is what we wanted to do w/ it originally, so I'm thinking about getting a folding card table so we can sit in there & play games or whatever. That one's going to be a big project b/c it currently contains mountains of boxes & crap we're storing for family & friends, as well as Justin's filming equipment, etc. I have a full-blown anxiety attack every time I open that door, which is why it stays closed. Then there is my bedroom, which I'm aching to turn into an oasis rather than the mess it currently is. I told Justin I want pretty pictures on the wall, a less cumbersome bed frame, and pretty blankets. He agreed, either b/c he's smart enough to know I'll do it anyway or b/c he's tired of the mess, too. I want it free of crap on the floor. (Minus, of course, Mount St. Laundry overflowing from the laundry basket b/c I'm realistic enough to know I'll never be the kind of woman who puts laundry away as soon as it comes out of the dryer.)

There are also projects I want to finish such as painting the cabinets in our kitchen. I've put that one off for a year and a half b/c I don't want to paint them w/out having all the new knobs & hinges, too. It's going to cost a pretty penny to buy the hardware, so I've filed it away in the back of my mind as one of those things I'll do "when we have more money". But let's face it, we'll never have more money. We have a pre-tween daughter, a gas-guzzling van, our car payment is outrageous & nowhere near close to being paid off, and out mortgage eats an entire paycheck & then some every month. So I'm going to have to work on my list in very small, affordable waves. That is why I'm focusing on the shelf first.

Usually when I finish a project, I'm so proud of myself & how it turned out, that I'm ready to take on the next. I'm hoping to ride that momentum out as long as I can b/c this house needs some serious help & so does my poor brain!

I'm baaaack!

And when I say "back", I'm only referring to my physical presence. My mental faculties are always a few steps behind these days. ;p

First & foremost, I cannot say how relieved I am that my Dad's surgery went so well!! The doctor said it looked like the cancer stayed in his colon & didn't get into the lymph nodes. He sent some off for testing just to be sure and as long as those come back clear, my Dad won't need chemo.

The morning of Dad's surgery, I woke up sick as a dog. I spent about 4 hours alternating between curling up in a ball on my Dad's couch & heaving in his bathroom. It was a lot of fun, let me just tell you. No, seriously. Who wouldn't want to spend the day of their father's big surgery feeling like someone was playing merry-go-round w/ their guts?! But I'm a trooper & managed to pull myself together enough to go up to the hospital until the doc told us to leave so they could get Dad prepped for surgery. I pumped my body full of pepto, 7-up, and saltines and was good as new by the time Dad was in recovery.

After 2 nights & 3 days out of town, I was glad to be back home, but it was very difficult to leave my Dad up at the hospital. Not b/c the nurses & doctors aren't capable of caring for him, but b/c I worry what will happen once he's out of the hospital. Is a 21 year old boy going to be there for him when he needs something and help pitch in on the bills while Dad is out of work or just cause Dad more grief? Will his over-bearing ex-wife stop the theatrics and back off or just add to his stress? When my mom was in the hospital, I spent the majority of each day there w/ her. I made phone calls and talked to nurses/doctors, I handled whatever needed to be done, and generally just tried to be the buffer between her & reality so she could recover w/out additional stress. There isn't anyone there to do that for my Dad. At least not from what I saw while I was there. Yes, he's a grown man, but he just had a major health scare & surgical procedure. I think he deserves some worry-free recovery time. I don't feel like the person who steps in has to be me, but I wonder if anyone will step in or if he'll be facing it all on his own. Being over 2 1/2 hours away makes me feel powerless and frustrated. He's my Dad, the only one I have. I love him. I want him to rest and recoup and live many, many more years. He still owes me a game of dirty word scrabble, dammit!

While I tried to breathe deep & let go of things that are out of my control, I made one of the most epic parenting fails I've made since the time I watched an episode of South Park w/ my 9 year old: I forgot that Wednesday is an early release day at Trin's school. So while I planned my arrival to coincide w/ her 2:30 release time, Trin got out at 1:30. At 1:45pm, Trin's school called to tell me that she was in the office & ask if she had someone to pick her up. I managed to make 3 phone calls while speeding down I-5 before my phone battery died. Between my 3 panicked phone calls, Trin was picked up from school by my mother in law. Thank God for her!!! Because I had no way to call, my besty also showed up at the school to pick Trin up, but was informed she was already gone. It's a relief to know that when I made colossal mistakes, I have a trifecta of support in place to save my ass!! What would I do w/out them?

Today, it's back to business as usual, kind of. I only have little Mikie on Saturday so I'm going to jump back into my normal routine but also begin the workout plan my hubs & I keep saying we want to start. Mikie's mom has been moved to day shifts, so I am mostly done w/ the babysitting gig. (Kind of bittersweet, honestly. I'm glad for the extra time & the money I'll be saving on gas, but I already miss seeing my crazy little kamikaze nephew almost everyday.) I didn't have much time to over-think before, but now that Dad is on the mend & I'm back home, it's starting to hit me just what a wild ride life can be. Constant change & motion, ups and downs, sudden curves...it's certainly a crazy kind of beautiful. Time to jump back in head first & see where it takes me next.